M4nic Digression: What is it and do I have it?

How did I end up here?

I was over there a minute ago; looking at a comic strip about cats and then I stumbled upon an insightful political debate, while catching up on the musings of some of my favourite personalities on Twitter, which led to feelings of guilt and some level of deep contemplation about how to be grateful about what I have. I need to stop overanalysing my life. This led me to wander to a different corner of the internet for some sweet distraction but 87 YouTube videos later I got hungry and started looking at food pics on Insta… somehow 5 hours have flown by and I’ve accumulated a fuck-tonne* of knowledge (or snippets of seemingly interesting information) with no idea how to put it to good use or perhaps I’ve just wasted my day?

Sound familiar?

You may have a case of M4nic Digression: A hyperactive mind that will not rest on one single though or idea long enough to make sense of it or to commit to any kind of plan.

You and the rest of us millennials, amarite?

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This site is a chaotic mess of wildly unrelated stuff which is my life as I try to make sense of it but I cannot (and will not) bring myself to use the term “Lifestyle Blogger”. Partly, because I’m not sure I fully understand what it means but also because being unwell is not a lifestyle.

Nope. Not me. I’m just another idiot on the internet who finds the self-indulgent act of writing about themselves cathartic and hopes that people I actually know will never read it but if it helps anyone feel less alone, in this wholly-unfulfilling digital age, then I’m all for it.

If you want to know who I am then you can read all my blog posts and creepily follow all of the things and come to your own conclusions as I make my social media stuff pretty accessible (I can’t speak for the content though).

I’m working towards creating a sort of digital map of all my online shit. I’m sick of this idea of us all trying to be a brand and keeping the different parts of us so seperated. After many reinventions I’ve decided to try and just be my inconsistent, chaotic, neurotic self.

So can I be a chef and an artist and a home organising consultant and a songwriter and copywriter and an artists model (yes, the naked kind) and a functioning member of society while battling type 2 Bipolar? I have no idea. That’s a huge question. I’d like to think the answer is yes but it all sounds so very exhausting.

I don’t think anyone can be just one thing. People are made up of lots of different parts: some are dark and ugly parts and some are incredibly bright and beautiful. When you have M4nic Digression sometimes those parts are bright and ugly or… my personal favourite… dark and beautiful.

For most people, life is like a tree that we nurture (our career or family plan) and it grows and you become really good at your field (being a mother and a housewife or a sexual historian or an advisor to tech companies) but I am a gorilla gardener; throwing seeds all over to see what happens. Sometimes I get metaphorical flowers, sometimes I get metaphorical weeds but nothing I can yet identify as a metaphorical tree. I have a lot of experience in a lot of diverse areas but I’ve never truly mastered any of them and I have my illness to thank for that bittersweet reality (which I talk about in the posts titled ‘Diary… then some sort of title’).

I am eloquent, friendly, good at the internet (not as myself) but can I get a long term job? Nope. I’m over-qualified for basic, service industry work because I went to university, pronounce all of my consonants and have spent 5 years self-employed while somehow, simultaneously, I am majorly under-qualified for the type of work I love (and would kick absolute ass at) because I didn’t actually finish my degree (owing to mental health conditions) and have never been in actual, full-time employment.

I’m always trying new things to keep myself busy and to (hopefully) help me into the sweet promised land known as long-term employment. That’s how I ended up with random qualifications in British Sign Language and taught marketing on a micro-manufacturing course to people with small businesses.

Nothing sticks. And so I’m here really trying to evaluate the situation I’m in and try to figure out how to be a jack of all trades and not starve to death.

I’m working towards posting a sort of CV of my life featuring artwork from my cards and gifts company as well as home truths and tips I’ve learned from my organising consultancy business. For now though, I have a page about my Secret Supper Club (where I host a vegan dinner parties for strangers) because… well, you can read, right?

I have a lot to say about writing copy and social media for small businesses. I find it frustrating how so many charities and small businesses still don’t know how to make social media networks do the work for them. They need to either start paying people to do it for you or investing time in learning how to use it effectively.

I occasionally write blog posts about recommendations of stuff that I like (titles begin with “Evy Recommends”. This does/will include products, restaurants and companies that I believe to have some sort of personal, social or environmental merit etc. I’ve never been paid for anything like that but if you want to give me money for services rendered, I am fine with that scenario. I mean, I have 23 followers, so lets not get too excited, eh?

And finally, if you want to read about my struggles with Bipolar Disorder feel free to go straight to the mental health section of my blog (The titles of these posts start with “Diary” as I’ve still not figured out how to create sub categories of the blog). I don’t add trigger warnings because I don’t fully understand how they can be helpful. I’ve no idea what will and will not be a big deal to you but it’s generally rated PG13 over here (no blood and guts) so unless you can’t read about general stories of mania or depression then maybe this isn’t meant for you. I have a diary of ‘wobbles and sadness’ which include references to the darker side of my illness but also I like to discuss things that help my mental health and other ‘positive mental health vibes’ because Hashtag: EndThe Stigma.

Anyway, If you read all the way to this bit you should know my name is Evy and I think that you deserve a reward so here’s a picture of my cat Minky. He is 10 and thinks he is a dog. Versus other cats, he is the goodest boy. 10/10.

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Oh there’s nothing else to add. Sorry.

KThanxBai.

*A Fuck-tonne is a legit unit of measurement, thank you very much!

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If you want to buy me a coffee, you can do so by clicking the Donate on Ko-fi button (above) as I really do like coffee and wish I could afford to leave the house more often and actually meet people (ah; the joys of mental heath issues without the safety net of benefits or regular income from a job. *sigh*).

I recently joined Ko-Fi as I am trying to be more open about my struggles and remove the shame of asking for help. As I learned from Amanda Palmer’s book The Art of Asking; some people actually can and want to help others. I have in the past, financially supported a number of Kickstarter-type projects and would love to do so again in the future when I am back on my feet. I believe that if you give kindness then kindness comes back around but don’t feel obliged. I’m just happy you stopped by. All forms of validation are welcome here. Haha. πŸ˜‰

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